Every Monday night, I get up to some absolute debauchery.
I race home from work, have a hot shower, put on my silk nightie, pour myself a glass of wine and grab my phone.
Full disclosure: I host a weekly “Tell me a saucy secret” questionnaire on my Instagram. People write in with their most scandalous sexy secrets and I repost them anonymously with a saucy pic that represents the secret.
It’s my favorite time of the week and I really make an event out of it.
Seriously, I even light a candle and make sure the mood lighting is just right.
Having posted these cheeky morsels of indecency for a couple of months now, I’m finding that every week people get braver, and the secrets are getting pretty wild.
I like to think I’m the non-judgemental fairy godmother people turn to when they want to get that deep, dark secret off their chest. Plus, anonymity is always guaranteed.
As the gatekeeper of these secrets, I can’t help but notice themes.
The first one is that cheaters are EVERYWHERE! Seriously, that sweet kindergarten teacher who wears floral is cheating. If I’m honest, it’s making us all a little paranoid.
The second one is that men love confessing that they gratify themselves to my pictures. OK, those ones I do judge. Choof off, creeps.
And the third one is that LOTS of people fantasize about someone else when having sex with their current partner.
At first, I thought it was just some poor sucker who wasn’t quite over their ex, but then more and more people started confessing the same thing.
I was a little horrified, but then I remembered that I too once had a huge crush on my former partner’s best friend.
I hang my head in shame as I admit I would often flirt outrageously with him and when it came to getting it on with my guy, I would often let my mind wander to his bestie.
Mostly to his biceps. And his Romanesque face. And his warm voice. Good Lord, my mind is wandering again. Focus, Jana!
Turns out it’s actually super common, with a recent Love Honey survey finding that almost two in five (38 percent) of those surveyed have fantasized about having sex with someone other than their partner. Naughty!
It begs the question: Are we wasting our best sex years on the wrong person?
Seriously. What if we took a chance to shoot our shot with the person we actually want to have sex with?
For one second, put aside the scandal that this idea would obviously bring with it and think about all the lovely sex you could be having.
I look back on that past relationship and think, “Bugger.” The ex is long gone, and I still wonder what his bestie is up to. No doubt he has three kids, a wife and some form of labradoodle by now, but imagine if I had been brave and gone after the bloke I truly was attracted to? That could be me with the labradoodle.
Attraction is a funny old beast and it can certainly disrupt life plans, as can be witnessed during my weekly confessional.
But are we all spending far too much time in fantasy land and not enough time making these things happen in real life?
I suppose the real question you have to ask yourself is, am I using this fantasy as a simple method for harmless enjoyment (I mean, we all have eyes and a throbbing libido …) or am I actually using it to escape my current boring love life?
If you simply have a crush and just want to play make-believe for a little while, then heck, let your mind wander.
But if you haven’t been happy in your relationship for a while and you almost need to let your mind wander in order to climax, then perhaps it’s time to step back and have a proper look at the current state of your relationship.
I’m not saying it’s a sign you should dump your partner, but perhaps you need to communicate your wants and needs better.
Open your eyes while you’re being intimate. Take in your partner’s attractive qualities. Refocus on what attracted you to them in the first place. Offer up some suggestions like “It feels good when you …”
If that doesn’t do the trick, then I think it’s time to reassess your current feelings. Hey, it can’t hurt to check in with the ol’ heart from time to time.
Anyway, let this cheeky confession be a reminder that it’s important to put in the effort when it comes to bedroom antics and stay in the moment.
We don’t want a fantasy guest joining us in the bedroom uninvited. That’s just bad manners.